My Girl Can Throw...and embarrass the hell out us

My blog – my poor neglected blog; between the kids, my part-time work, my on-line writing and rescuing dogs, I have been using my Facebook status as a way to write the funny things that happen around me.  Many people have asked me why I stopped blogging and I decided today is the day I am going to start up again.  If are reading this, please leave a comment so I know if people are really reading this still. 

The other night hubby, the kids and I went to dinner.  This is a rare occasion because he works nights AND our kids are at ages where being home with the dogs to clean up after them is much easier than spending $60 to be more concerned about the kids behaving than the meal in front of us.  We got to dinner a little late, we probably should not have gone to dinner at that hour with kids 6, 5, and 3 but we selfishly wanted a meal.  I personally wanted a meal that was served to me.  I wanted to ask for a refill, condiments and more water.  I knew this was a recipe for disaster but we filed into Fridays with dreams of being served a warm meal while we chatted amongst our adult selves and the kids giggled and colored on the paper and crayons provided. 

Fantasy over – our 3 year old was over-tired, hungry and not in the mood to wait for food. Her brother got chicken fingers and her sister got a cheeseburger; I knew she was not going to be satisfied with what she chose from the menu. She opted for the chicken fingers like her big brother and the wait was on at our table. When the food arrived, she took one look at her 3 chunks of fried chicken and chucked one of them across the restaurant.  She does not have a normal three year old throw, the food sailed down the aisle making one waitress dodge the greasy blow.  

With apologies to the lady innocently trying to do her job and with everyone watching, I scooped the beast up in my arms and sat in-between the entry doors with her until she promised to settle down.  I did the 1980 threat of having her sit in the minivan which we unfortunately cannot do in 2012, plus back then it was a station-wagon.  While we sat, the only thing I could see at our table was my hubby eating his food.  I was starving and for some reason watching him; I was getting hungrier and more annoyed.  We headed back to the table and sat down.  I was nervous she was going to act up again and she was tense and ready for another confrontation with her food or anyone that looked at her the wrong way.

After sitting for 2 seconds, she popped up on her booth seat with a little plastic dish of ranch dressing in her hand and evil in her eyes. She started to methodically case the restaurant.  As her eyes darted, my heart began to race. I looked at my hubby and pleaded with him to do something before the attack.  He silently reassured me that she was not going to do anything.  I knew he was wrong but I was hungry as hell and wanted to get at least a couple bites in before something embarrassing happened. My teeth were about to sink into my unhealthy chicken sandwich when suddenly I saw her gaze stop at two cute early twenty-something girls all dolled up for the evening drinking martinis at the booth across from us. Before I could react, her eyes twitched and her arm flung into action; the ranch dressing sailed in slow-motion toward the girls, the container landing with a loud clunk and the ranch dressing continuing to silently sail through the air. 

The girls were very snotty which made it all the more story-worthy at the end of the day.  Literally one drop got on one of the girls.  She made a disgusted face, touched the ranch dressing on her arm and swiped it off with a quick twitch, barely even looking at the offender.  While bending down in a failed attempt to clean some of the ranch dressing from the floor, I noticed the ranch dressing stopped short right at the tip of her fancy boot.  The staff came with a big yellow ‘Caution’ sign and set it up, whether it was put over the spill or next to our table, I will never know.

Hubby picked up L and carried her outside.  He was done eating and I guess he assumed I would get mine to go and meet him in the car.   The waitress brought me a container for my food but I could not bring myself to put my warm meal in a box.  I knew when I got home, I would have to get the kids into bed and by then the thought of this succulent sandwich would be the last thing on my mind. When the waitress walked by again, I said, ‘I am not sure how to even ask this without laughing, but can I please have another ranch dressing?’ She must have thought we were leaving because she brought it in a to-go container.  Many patrons of the restaurant watched with eager eyes to witness us leave but to their surprise, and the surprise of my other two kids that were stunned into silence for once, I ate my sandwich, salad and L’s fries, carefully dipping them into my ranch dressing. I am not going to lie, the meal was a bit awkward but what the other diners of the restaurant soon realized was that awkward does not bother me in the very least.  As I sat eating with people staring at me, judging me and talking about me all I could think was ‘I really need to start writing on my blog again!’